I'm sorry
by Emlindes
Summary: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THOR: THE DARK WORLD. It wasn't supposed to end like this; it wasn't a part of Thor's plan. But there was nothing he could have done to help. "I'm truly sorry."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: All my thanks to my friend who took me to watch _Thor: The Dark World. _She's absolutely a wonderful person! **

**I'll put this on 'Completed' stories now, but I may continue this because I have a small idea that I could use in the next chapter. If you want to read more, then you can review and tell me about it. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Thor, Loki, anyone or anything. This scene is from the movie _Thor: The Dark World._**

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When Loki looked up, he saw one of those elves beating Thor with every might of its being. As much as Loki still disliked the God of Thunder, he couldn't let that elf kill him like the thunderer'd be just an insect under its foot.

It wasn't his goal to let Thor die in the same hands that had killed their mother. It wasn't the reason why he was there. Since it was the blond-haired god who had given Loki his chance to have his vengeance, the God of Mischief was kind of in his debt. Not that he possibly would ever pay him anything back since Thor hadn't asked anything from him.

There weren't any other dark elves left so it was obvious that Loki set his course towards his brother and that last remaining enemy. He picked up a long sharp headed spear from the ground where it had landed after the death of its last wielder, and started to run, trying to reach the fighting couple before it would be too late for his brother who didn't seem to be able to defend himself anymore.

Air hissed between his teeth with every inhale and exhalation that he made as he continued to run. His heart pounding in his chest as the feeling of anger rose more and more with every punch the elf delivered to his brother's struggling form. That elf, that _monster _was one of those responsible ones that had killed his adoptive mother, _no, his mother! _After finding out that it was Odin who had wanted to keep his Jotun heritage as a secret, Loki couldn't recognize the Allfather as his father anymore; but Frigga was a different story. She had only followed Odin's wishes, that's why Loki couldn't blame her, not after all the good things she had done for him.

She had comforted him when he'd been lonely as a child, supported him when he trained his magical abilities and, most of all, she had loved him like he'd have been her real son. As a child Loki had been grateful for that but as time passed and he grew older, the less he continued to show his appreciation to his mother. It was that funny thing when person stops caring for the ones close to him in certain point and realizes his mistake just when it's already too late. Loki did regret his actions but he would never say it out loud. He preferred to keep those kind of things only in his own mind; what would be the point of sharing something that didn't involve anybody else.

Odin had only thought of him like he was a tool he could use after the time would come; so he could unite his kingdom with Jotunheim's with the help of that child he had taken from the icy realm all those years ago. Loki felt himself being betrayed when he'd found out, and he still did. The man he had called his father and had respected with every fiber of his soul, had only used him, _betrayed _him. All those speeches about how both he and Thor had been born to be kings, all those times when he had told Loki that he loved him, all those times he had said that he and Thor were equals. All of that have been just a part of that one big _play _that had started even before he'd been old enough to speak.

When he'd seen that elf breaking from the prison of Asgard, he had hoped that it would find the king and kill him. But _of course_ that sneaky fox survived. Instead of him, that elf and its master, Malekith, had killed probably the only person in the world that truly cared for him even after all his misdeeds. When he was finally informed about his mother's death, he lost his control. Nothing stayed in one piece as he released blasts of magic all over the cell he was locked in. If it'd been the same cell where he had been when he was SHIELD's prisoner, the walls would probably have crumpled down under the sheer force of his power, no matter what kind of Hulk it had been made for. He had exhausted himself to the point where he could only lean against the wall and slid down until he sat on the white floor. His emotionless eyes locked to the floor, his body not moving an inch, and his mind blurred with all those emotions he tried to suppress. The pain was still there; screaming bloody murder to the ones that had killed his mother.

And finally Thor came to see him. When he heard Thor's arrival he made an illusion that showed the cell as it had been before his handling. But his brother knew him too well, oh far too well. The image of himself had only spoken few words before Thor told him to stop playing with the illusions. All he could do, was to agree with Thor on that. If Thor saw so easily through his illusions, there wasn't any reason to keep them up. It'd have only been useless and spent more of his remaining energy. So, with a blink of his eye, he took down the illusion, allowing his brother to see his tired, frustrated form sitting on the floor. Thor's arrival to the prison had been surprise but it was welcomed surprise because Loki understood that this was the opportunity for him to avenge his mother's death.

Thor didn't trust him anymore but it didn't matter. He didn't need his trust, and he knew that probably he would never get it back. After all, Loki had almost killed Thor in many occasions; in Midgard when he had ordered the Destroyer to attack him after Odin had put the thunderer in exile, in Asgard before the destruction of Bifrost, again in Midgard, actually twice as he fought against the Avengers who fought on his brother's side of course. But it didn't matter to him. He had grown up and got used to the feeling of being alone or in the shadow of others, never truly visible if he didn't want to. Very few people had probably ever trusted him, so if Thor didn't trust him he was just one drop of water more in the ocean.

But now all he wanted was to _kill. _Kill that over-grown elf and Malekith after that. Kill the murderers of his mother. Hear them scream in agony when he would slowly embed his daggers into their flesh, tear open enough wounds that would be painful torture to them but still keep them conscious and aware of what was happening. In the end he would mop the ground with their bloody but still living bodies before he would slowly tear them apart piece by piece. The feeling grew stronger and stronger as he came closer to the fighting couple. Thor was lying on the ground, gasping for air as the dark elf hit him and kicked him over and over again. He didn't even have time to call Mjölnir with his hand because every time he seemed to get a small pause, it lasted only a second. Now the elf stood again over the blond god, rising its fist to deliver a new blow. But that would never come, Loki was going to make sure of it.

Finally reaching the two, the God of Mischief stabbed the spear to the elf's back with enough power that it went completely through the creature's body, coming out from its chest. The elf let out a loud growl as the object pierced it, dropping its raised hand that had been ready to hit the man on the ground again. Loki felt a smile of satisfaction tugging the corners of his mouth, but kept his face neutral as the elf screamed. He'd said that satisfaction wasn't his nature but now he couldn't prevent it. He wanted to hear those screams; anguish, pain filled screams from the ones who had committed the crime even he couldn't accept. But if he got a chance he would do much worse than this. _Much, much worse._ Quick and easy death would be totally out of the question in this case. He would not give this creature any mercy, no matter if it was only a servant who had obeyed Malekith's orders. This elf would pay. Malekith would pay!

Slightly shaking, the elf started to turn slowly towards the black-haired god behind it, letting Thor get a glimpse of his brother's cold smile. The trickster's green eyes were focused on the dark elf, staring coldly at the stabbed creature that would not live much longer if the God of Mischief was the one to decide that. The God of Thunder couldn't understand it. After so many battles, the one who had tried to kill him during those battles, had now _saved _his life. Loki clearly had had an opportunity to get rid of him since the elf had had an upper hand in their fight; and still, Loki had decided to take a completely opposite action. Thor felt a jolt of surprise as he realized it and soon it was replaced by a slight tingle of happiness that he hadn't felt in the presence of his brother since a long time. He was going to say something but the sudden movement of the elf stopped him.

Without hesitation the elf that now had turned towards Loki, suddenly grabbed his shoulders in its strong grip and pulled him against the head of the spear that came out of its chest. Unprepared for that, Loki wasn't able to shot the elf with his magic before the spear entered his abdomen. His head tilted backwards as he gasped from the sudden pain and the damage the spear caused as it pushed deeper into his flesh. Thor's angry yell echoed in his ears but was drowned by the pain that made him feel like every nerve in his body was on fire. He felt his body shaking because of the amount of that sudden pain; he hated it. He would not show weakness before this creature, no matter how painful it felt. He lowered his head and moved his gaze back towards the elf's, glaring challengingly and biting his teeth together to stop himself from shaking. The elf seemed to accept the challenge because the next thing Loki knew, was that he was thrown backwards; the spear exited his body and he flew few meters before hitting the ground, forcing him to gasp as air was knocked out of his lungs. The elf charged towards him, forgetting Thor that was still on the ground and now looking at the twisting figure of his brother's. But Loki wasn't helpless; no no, not helpless _at all_. The God of Mischief only looked coldly at the elf approaching him.

''See you in hell, monster!'' he replied with an icy tone. It was the death sentence, and looked like the elf finally realized it had been tricked. Immediately it stopped and noticed that there was a small sound coming from where it had kept one of those bombs that Loki had saved Jane earlier from. When the elf had stabbed him, Loki had got close enough to activate the bomb that was hanging on the elf's belt. The elf suddenly realized that but before it was able to do anything, the bomb exploded.

Beams of light burst into action; swirling, tearing and slowly killing the elf that trashed and screamed in terror and obvious pain. It was music to Loki's ears. Hearing that pure agony, seeing that desperate trashing in attempt to get away; the knowledge that one of those murderers was now getting paid back for what it had done, gave Loki a slight feeling of comfort.

Lights started to fade as quickly as they had began; taking the last parts of the still screaming victim with them, the place where the elf had stood was left with nothing. Then the lights disappeared.

It was over. Slowly, Loki felt his body starting to weaken as the injury started to take its toll. Even the beating from the Hulk hadn't been like this. There had been that blessed numbness as the big green-guy had beaten him to the floor; after the first two hits he hadn't felt anything but that numbness he had been so grateful of. But now he could feel blood flowing out from the wound; slight tingling and waves of both cold and warm going over him constantly. Because of his Jotun heritage, he hadn't ever felt cold like other Asgardians did; so, it was weird to feel that coldness now. Breathing was difficult and his mouth felt dry like the ground he was laying on.

_It hurt._

Then suddenly there were strong arms around him, cradling him like he'd have been only a baby. _Thor. _Injured or not, Loki could identify the owner of those muscled arms anywhere.

The thunderer was shaking, desperately trying to wish that this wasn't happening. This wasn't a part of his plan! _This was not supposed to happen!_ He moved to raise Loki's upper body slightly up as he set his right arm to support the dark-haired god's neck and the left hand to press against the rapidly bleeding wound that was already covered by Loki's own hands.

Loki gasped as he felt the contact. It pulled him back from that unrealistic feeling that was starting to consume him. He jerked his head up as the pain shot through his body and mind, making him shake in the thunderer's arms even more as his face grimaced slightly. He couldn't think quite clearly, the pain was preventing him from doing so.

''-you fool,'' he heard Thor say, losing the beginning of the sentence as his mind tried to clear itself.

''I know. I'm a fool,'' he replied back and gasped again as a new wave of pain washed over his body. ''I'm a fool.''

Thor's eyes looked at him with sad expression; he still couldn't believe this was happening. Loki had survived after falling off the Bifrost and after having encounter with the Avengers. Thor had thought his brother was dead after his fall into abyss; he had been sure that no one could survive from that. But Loki did. The thunderer didn't know exactly what had happened during that time between the fall and the moment when he had taken the trickster away from Steve Rogers' and Tony Stark's care. All he knew, was that his brother had changed. For the bad, perhaps, but still something in his mind tried not to believe it. He had seen hesitation in Loki's eyes on that day in New York when they had fought against each other; and it was something that still gave him hope even though it was very small amount.

''I'm sorry,'' Loki gasped, his voice coming out like a whisper as he struggled to stop his body from shaking due to cold.

Thor shook his head a bit as if to assure Loki that there was nothing to be sorry for. Today Loki had had a chance to let him die, to get rid of him, but he didn't. If that wasn't a sign that there still was the brother Thor knew, then he didn't know what would be. Now that god was in his arms and struggled to breath, rapid blood loss sending shivers of cold over his body and his always so pale face seemed to lose all of its color. Loki had saved Thor's life only to pay with his own. It shouldn't end like this. It _couldn't _end like this! _He couldn't die!_

''I'm sorry!'' Loki repeated again, shaking and paling more and more in every second. ''I'm sorry!''

His skin was almost as white as the purest Baldur's Brow. Unlike Thor's, Loki's face didn't have cuts or bloody scrapes, only his more than natural paleness gave away the fact that he was injured.

Thor hushed him, trying to calm his younger brother who shook from slowly spreading and unstoppable coldness. Thor felt that coldness as it spread to Loki's hand that were under his own. It was frightening. He knew that Loki didn't have much time left, the pale almost white color of his skin told him that.

''I'll tell father what you did here today,'' he said, trying to make Loki feel even a bit better, a bit prouder.

The God of Mischief blinked and looked at the God of Thunder with a look of disapproval. To Thor it might have been a way to make him feel better but Loki didn't see things like that anymore. It didn't matter to him what Odin thought about him. He had stopped caring about it long ago.

Loki swallowed and his mouth felt dry as he did that.

''I didn't do it for him,'' he said as he looked at the blond-haired god. _''I did it for her,'' _he added in his mind, feeling himself starting slowly to lose his grip from consciousness. The coldness was too heavy over him.

He knew that maybe it wouldn't be the end. There was a possibility that his magic could save him but he was unsure. He had survived after the fall from Bifrost but now the injury was more physical; putting the pressure straight to his body and his mind that was too blurred to properly use his magic. Maybe his magic would heal his body on its own after given enough time for that; but still it was just maybe.

Thor's arms held him tighter, pulling his own thinner body against the thunderer's chest. Loki wanted to tell him that there was a chance but he was too weak; words didn't form anymore in his mouth.

His legs felt too heavy, his arms felt too heavy, his whole body felt like the gravity would've suddenly become more than hundred times stronger than it normally was. The last small amount of warmness was gone, leaving the feeling of coldness spread into his every nerve, but he didn't shake; he had already slipped too far. From the sides of his vision, gray webbing sneaked towards the middle, making Thor's face slowly fade away. Then it grew darker, no longer gray, more like different shades of black that became darker and darker even though Loki's efforts to try to stop it. His eyelids dropped close but he still tried to breathe, though in vain. The breath caught in his throat but he didn't cough; his world behind his eyelids went totally black and the last pieces of his mind that had tried to function fell silent one after another. Loki's body went limp in Thor's arms, his neck tilted backwards as his muscles relaxed, giving Thor the sign he had feared.

''No!''

His anguished yell didn't reach his enemy's ears; Malekith was gone already, planning the conquering of all nine realms. He was too far away now but if the God of Thunder was the one to decide, Malekith would soon feel the agony he had forced both Thor and Loki go through. Thor was going to make sure of that. He wouldn't let Frigga's nor Loki's death go unpunished.

But he was unaware that there still was someone who was able to hear his yell; faintly but still.

Loki's fading consciousness still got a snippet of Thor's sorrowful yell, and it stirred something inside his dying body, in his dying mind. A sensation, _a feeling. _But there wasn't enough time to realize what it was. Too soon, as his mind plummeted into darkness, all he could think was.

_I am sorry Thor._

_I am._

_Truly._

_Sorry._

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**R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Look what you did! This story is no longer 'Completed' because after seeing how many readers the first chapter got and hearing that people wanted to read more, I decided that I won't write only one but TWO chapters more. **

**So, my thanks to all of you who read, liked or alerted this story because you encouraged me to continue. And also my special thanks to those four who reviewed the first chapter and brightened my days with their opinions. I'm truly grateful to you all! :)**

**And a bit about the third chapter. Because my exams start a couple of weeks after my vacation, I've to study for those and that means more German and Swedish and less English, unfortunately. But I will make the third chapter, don't worry, because I'm far too excited to leave this story and will try to find time to finish this as soon as possible. :) **

**Happy New Year to you all and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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Darkness.

Blackness without a single spot of light or color. It was all around him, surrounding him like a hunting predator, silent and continuously moving, but still wrapping around him like the softest blanket of all nine realms.

Loki could see and _feel _the darkness around him. It felt familiar but in the same time unknown to him, but not frightening. Like an old memory that was almost wiped away from his mind and was now awakened again, blurry but still there. And yet he still couldn't recognize it. Closing his eyes Loki tried to clear his mind.

Last time there had been more. More darkness, more reasons, more... _pain. _Was that the reason why he couldn't remember so clearly the last time he was here? There had been something that had forced him to come here; forced him and kept him here in the darkness where was no place to hide, no corner to back away from the threat.

_Had he been threatened before? _

_Had he been threatened now? _

_Why was he here?_

Now there was nothing_. _He was lying on a hard floor but oddly he felt no discomfort, no stiffness nor cold. This time, it was peaceful. A feeling that he had almost forgotten but it was now the best way to describe the sensation he felt.

It felt safe. _He _felt that he was safe. Darkness didn't seem to be his enemy now and the knowledge comforted him. It was now there to protect him; to save him from... _something._ Something that had happened. Something that still was out there, somewhere.

_You think you know pain?_

Bright light flashed behind his closed eyelids as pain stabbed Loki's heart with a magnitude that he'd never felt before. His right hand moved immediately to the location of that burning sensation, pressing his palm against his shirt as he swallowed a gasp that threatened to slip from his lips. His body tensed as burning shot through his veins and tickled his nerves; his head tilted backwards, mouth opening and forming a silent scream. Weakly, Loki reached for his magic, trying to concentrate it to the place where it hurt. It had always worked so it had to work now, it was at least worth a try. But now he couldn't feel it; magic that usually answered to him immediately as he reached for it, wasn't there. It was gone. His magic was _gone._

_Air. _His lungs were burning and needed that soothing cold wind. Stopping his futile attempts to summon his magic, Loki collected enough of his concentration to force his lungs to draw a shaky breath. It hurt but the effect was immediate. Fresh air seemed to calm the burning in his heart and veins, encouraging Loki to take another breath and another after that. Slowly, his breathing started to flow smoothly again, the pain also starting to disappear bit by bit.

_''Good,'' _Loki thought, sighing in relief as the burning subsided into nothingness almost as fast as it'd started. His hand fell away from his chest and to his side as tension disappeared and his body fell limply to the floor under his back.

_What was that?_

That was easy to recall. It was too clearly, _far _too clearly in his mind.

A memory.

A memory he would like to forget but knew that it was impossible. It wasn't so long ago since it happened. The whole chain of events slowly coming back to him, forming something like a whirl in his mind as everything were thrown in all at once.

He made a contract. A contract that if failed, would probably mean the end of his life. And he had failed. Because of Thor and the Avengers who decided to play heroes and ruin his plans.

Except that they weren't _his _plans. No, he was only a pawn that was moved by the mastermind of the whole Midgard invasion. He realized that now. The Other had told him that the Chitauri army was powerful enough to easily win the fight against the mortals – what a fool. Loki had had his own doubts about the level of power the Chitauri had but it was not like he'd have had a choice in the matter. It had been very clear what his options were: immediate death or the contract. So, he chose the one that would at least give him a bit more time to live.

And yet all it needed was the man of Iron, Tony Stark, sending one of those huge rockets of theirs through the portal that the Chitauri had used to enter to Midgard, and everything went down. The _oh-so powerful _army crumpled down as easily as a house of cards, and Loki eventually would have to pay the price even though he wasn't the one whose fault the failure was. But because the mastermind of the plan was Thanos, Loki didn't expect there to be any kind of calm and rational conversation when he would be found by the titan. The consequences of his failure would be something far worse, something he wasn't–

_He will make you long for that so sweet as pain._

Another stab of pain jerked him away from the whirl of his thoughts and this time he hissed out loud, unable to stop himself. Again his hand shot up and pressed strongly against the fabric over his chest and heart. It was like his heart was on fire; his veins were carrying flames instead of blood and his nerves were charged with electricity that made his body shake. Loki gasped and rolled to his side; unconsciously curling on himself, bringing knees against his chest and his left hand over his right, gripping harder the painful part of his chest.

Loki's face formed a grimace of agony as he pressed his teeth together, trying to stop himself from screaming out loud. His eyes scrunched shut and every breath seemed to increase the pain even more. Despite them being small and short, they fed the fire inside him, making it grow stronger by every breath. He was being burned alive, unable to stop it.

_''No stop this stop it hurts kill me end this it hurts it hurts stop no more stop it no more no more NO MORE–''_

_You are our son, Loki, and we your family. _

As soon as he heard it the pain subsided again, leaving him gasping for the air he couldn't take during the attack. His body was aching; the burning was gone and was replaced by tingling coldness. Swallowing hard and trying to catch his breath, Loki relaxed his tensed neck muscles and let the side of his head lean against the surface below. He panted like he would have had a fight with the Hulk again, his ears were ringing and his head was throbbing. Slowly his awareness started to return to him, making him also notice the undignified position he was in. Carefully, Loki started to move his still aching body, uncurling himself and turning to lay on his back. Ice cold wave washed over his limbs and they suddenly felt like four blocks of ice that had only been attached to his body.

_Loki._

That voice. It sounded so wonderful, so full of warmth and caring that Loki felt his heart leap in his chest. Unconsciously Loki's hand reached upwards, towards the voice he missed and hoped to hear again. He wanted to hear it again. He _needed _to hear it again.

He felt pressure against his chest and ribs, not painful but still it made him tremble a bit. Like a huge mass had been placed over his chest. It forced his every breath to be small and fast, drying his mouth and leaving uncomfortable stickiness behind. His eyes stung as they slowly filled with unwanted tears and he bit his lower lip to prevent it from trembling.

_Loki._

One blink and the tears rolled down like two glass pearls against his pale skin. Shaky breath and a small sob that he couldn't stop escaped his lips, echoing in the surrounding darkness.

In the back of his mind, Loki was angry with himself because of being so weak and letting himself cry like a newborn baby. He was an adult and a prince, he was better than this. He didn't want to let himself become sentimental like this; it was a sign of weakness, it was _pathetic_.

But he just couldn't stop himself. The pain he had been hiding, all the emotions and unsaid things that had never seen daylight came crashing down on him and he just couldn't stop it as he wished that voice to speak again. More tears gathered in his eyes, falling from the corners one after another, creating two shiny lines to Loki's skin.

''Come back,'' he whispered, his voice catching in his throat. ''Please.''

Blinking twice, Loki finally saw her. Her graceful figure was standing over him, looking at him with those loving eyes and smiling that gentle smile of hers. Her whole being was shining, an aura of light surrounding her body and lighting up the darkness around them. She was like an angel. She was his light. Loki answered to her with a small smile, trying to extend his arm that was still reaching upwards and now towards Frigga. Like a child that wanted to feel the touch and love of its parent.

Frigga reached towards his hand with her own, and Loki could feel how his heartbeat increased in anticipation. Wanting to feel that comforting and warm touch, hear those loving words and see that she really meant them; that was what he wished. Not anything else, only that.

Time seemed to slow down as their hands came closer to each other. The corners of Loki's mouth twitched upwards as her hand finally reached his, only to fall by stricken surprise as her hand went through his own. Like the illusions he created, she dissolved into nothingness, that smile of hers never falling away as she vanished in front of his eyes.

Loki's eyes widened, mouth slightly opening but not saying a word. He turned his extended hand that had passed through the image of his mother, looking at it with his eyes. There was nothing, no feeling of touch, not even the tiniest tingling sensation. Loki's eyes stung; they were like two green pools that desperately looked for any kind of sign on his hand, any kind of comforting sign from her. But there was none, and the pools grew as the realization hit Loki.

His lower lip trembled slightly and his throat constricted as he tried to swallow the uncomfortable lump that had formed. His chest felt heavy again, making it hard to breathe. As he tried, shaky and audible breath escaped him and the tears that had gathered in his eyes, streamed freely down his face like two rivers.

It was too much.

_Why did she do this to him? _

_Why did he do it to her?_

There was nothing holding back the tears that formed and fell over and over again. No calming hand to wipe away his tears and hold him close. No gentle hand stroking his hair. No comforting words that would assure him that everything would be all right.

Because he would never be all right.

_It was too late._

Loki let his hand fall limply to the floor as he scrunched his eyes shut. Tears were burning his eyes, coloring the usually green ones with angry red color as they streamed down. Loki's right hand tightened into a fist, turning his knuckles almost white and making the thin bones of his fingers clench together with enough force to hurt.

Coldness enveloped his hands; it was like the circulation of blood had suddenly stopped, leaving his hands in the mercy of chill. Slowly the feeling spread upwards and towards his shoulders but there it stopped; the burning in his chest was too great for the coldness to conquer.

His chest was burning. His _heart _was burning.

For confusion.

For loss.

For pain.

_For his own life!_

The drumming of his own heart echoed loudly in Loki's ears and he started to become aware of the slowly increasing pressure inside his head. Like something would've been crushing his skull from within. The beats of his heart grew louder by every beat and so grew the pressure but Loki didn't move to place his hands against his pounding head.

He was unable to do it.

He didn't _want_ to do it.

Maybe this was how things would always be to him. Maybe this was his destiny. Doomed to be without a place to belong, never an equal to anyone, only a monster taken from Jotunheim, an outcast who would and _should_ never feel anything else than pain. If the case was that, he wouldn't have any purpose to exist; the fight against the pain would be futile.

He wanted the pain to increase. To the point where he wouldn't feel anything anymore. To the point where the pain would be so great that it would make him numb, unable to feel anything no matter how strong it would be. Too numb to even feel the pain that tortured him.

That would be the end he wished for himself.

He would finally be in peace.

_''Am I cursed?''_

_''Abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son.''_

_''No more than another stolen relic.'' _

_''A monster the parents tell their children about at night.''_

_''You were an innocent child.''_

Innocent.

Loki let out a pained chuckle as he recalled Odin's words. Seriously, the Allfather and his army had fought and killed hundreds and hundreds of Frost Giants without showing them any mercy, and then he'd found an abandoned Frost Giant's baby and thought it was innocent. What a joke!

No, it was a lie all along. Even after finding out the truth about his true parentage, the man he had once called his father still tried to lie to him; to hide the true nature of his actions.

_''You took me for a purpose.''_

_''What was it?''_

_''TELL ME!''_

The pounding inside Loki's head felt like he'd have taken a hit from Mjölnir; it hurt a lot but the increasing of the pain seemed to stop, making it stay on bearable level. How very unfortunate. He had hoped that this would be the end and his release, but exactly how often anything went according to his plans. Loki sighed and loosened his fist, straightening his fingers.

It's like he was trapped, tied to the world of living against his wishes. But why? Why wasn't he allowed to be taken by Death? If everything he did was wrong, then why he couldn't die. All nine realms would only be happy, if he was gone. Peace would be more easy to keep, if one of the most threatening beings wasn't there.

_''You can't kill an entire race!''_

_''Look around you! You think this madness will end with your rule?''_

It would be so simple. It had been so simple but Odin had only sentenced him to spend the rest of his life in the dungeons instead of killing him. Old fool!

_''Why?'' _Loki thought, _''Kill me already and be done with it.''_

_''Your birthright was to die as a child!''_

Odin's words lashed at Loki like a poisonous snake as he remembered them but they were unable to hurt him anymore. Loki tilted his head back a bit and, even though it made his head pound again, let out a hollow laugh.

''Then you should have killed me while you had the chance,'' Loki said out loud, smirking and shaking his head from side to side. ''But you didn't! Because you are _weak_!''

His yell shattered the silence for a millisecond before it sewed itself back together and fell again over the God of Mischief's form. Silence was the only answer Loki got.

The mask of hatred covering Loki's face disappeared; tensed jaw relaxed and bared teeth vanished under his lips, a blank look taking hatred's place. His eyes were fixed on the darkness, the emptiness above him.

''But why?'' Loki muttered expressionlessly and unconsciously out loud. ''You had many chances. Why didn't you do it?''

Loki couldn't understand.

_''There's always a purpose to everything your father does.''_

What purpose? If Odin's plans about uniting Asgard and Jotunheim were buried, then what other reason there would be.

Loki frowned, the small motion sending a tiny shot of discomfort to his head and he winced quietly. He dug his teeth into his lower lip as he let his mind try to form some kind of explanation to the Allfather's actions. To Loki, it came out of nowhere. An idea that he had never bothered to think about came to his mind.

No.

Loki shook his head in denial. No, it couldn't be. It was impossible and against everything he had believed after finding out that he was a Frost Giant. It was impossible. It was! Odin couldn't have– The Allfather couldn't still _care_ for him. Odin sentenced Loki to the dungeons only because he wanted to punish him more. There couldn't be anything else! There couldn't–

Loki's mind was a chaos of thoughts that he couldn't put in order. Odin didn't kill him because it'd have been too easy. Loki's imprisonment was a punishment not a sign of mercy or caring! Worse punishment than quick death, not a way to show love! That's all it was! Nothing more, nothing more–

_''I wanted only to protect you from the truth.''_

''No! Not true!''

_''He kept the truth from you so you would never feel different.'' _

''Lies! Just lies!''

_''I'll tell father what you did here today.''_

''I didn't do it for him!''

Loki blinked, returning to his senses, cutting his way out of the forest of thoughts as he spoke those words again. He froze, ceasing every movement he was making. He remembered now. Those words. Those have been his last words before his–

Death.

Except, he wasn't dead. He couldn't be. He was now aware enough to know that Hel wasn't like this and because he knew that to Valhalla he would never go, the only possibility was that he, somehow, was still alive.

Loki breathed deeply in and blinked slowly few times. He was in some kind of sleep or trance. What had he thought before his mind went black? Something had bothered him, uncertainty. But for what? He had known– No, he had _suspected _something but he hadn't been able to speak.

He had felt arms around him, supporting him as the waves of pain and numbness had gone over him. He had wanted to tell, had wanted to tell something, to someone, _too weak– _

_''No!''_

Someone had yelled. Loki had heard it, barely but still, and he could recall it. The voice seemed to be full of hurt and grief for someone. Could it have been for him? Who would be so sentimental that–

_Thor._

Now Loki realized that he didn't care about why Odin had spared him. He didn't know the right answer to that, and probably he never would. Maybe the Allfather loved him, maybe not; it didn't matter anymore. It just didn't matter. Because everything between them had now been torn apart, leaving only negative remains behind. There was nothing between them anymore and no point in thinking why the Allfather had done all those things.

Odin had taken him, and now Loki was here: alive. That's all that mattered.

Odin was nothing to Loki.

Loki was nothing to Odin.

But there were others. Others that were something to Loki. Odin was only something from the past, and Loki would treat him as such and forget the questions.

But there were two other persons that had been close to him. One that still was while the other was now only a beautiful memory that Loki would carry in his heart for the rest of his life. But one of those two was still there. He had been there; trusting Loki enough to tell about his plan, saving Loki from the portal that had tried to take him and holding Loki's dying body in his arms as the God of Mischief's eyes closed one last time.

The one that Loki had tried to hate, tried to kill but couldn't. The sentimental, stupid oaf. The one he had once called his brother.

Thor.

Loki couldn't help it, but remembering the sound of Thor's voice before everything went quiet woke _something_ in him. The pounding in his head started to calm down, the constant ringing in his ears fading away as well as the heavy echoes of his heart beats. His mind finally freeing itself from the pressure, making him notice that the burning in his chest started to die down also. What replaced it, was an odd sensation that made Loki puzzled. It was difficult to describe, there was so much that it felt impossible to set all of that to one word.

Warm, gentle, soft, relaxing, comforting; it was all that combined and more. Something that reminded Loki of Frigga, the other person that still had a place in his life even though she was dead. It made him remember those times when he was being bullied, left alone because he wasn't physically strong like Thor. Because he used magic instead of swords and shields. Frigga had always been there to comfort him when she saw how bad he felt. The feeling was oddly resembling to the feeling Frigga's actions had brought.

Was it– _caring?_

Thor's voice had been _caring. _

_Thor had cared about him. _

Could it really be that? Thor said that he didn't trust the God of Mischief anymore, that he would kill Loki if he saw a reason for that. And yet he had shaken when he'd held Loki's dying body in his arms, trying to comfort him by telling how Odin would hear about his selfless actions, and finally yelling in anguish denial as Loki went limp in his arms.

The corners of Loki's mouth twitched upward and he sighed.

''Oh Thor, you sentimental fool,'' he muttered, his voice missing its usual sharpness, being almost soft.

But if Loki could prevent it, he would never show his emotions to anyone. He would keep them inside him, out of everyone's sight. Because he didn't want them to weaken him, to make others believe that he was vulnerable. There would be the Chitauri and Thanos waiting for him when he'd wake up and he'd need every fiber of his powers to keep himself alive. It'd only be better that he'd be as cold and uncaring as he had been so far.

However, Loki knew that Thor would still be his sentimental self. Thor would never understand Loki's reasons to act the way he did. No wonder since Thor had Odin and the army of Asgard on his side, he was supported and helped by others. He didn't need to worry like Loki. The God of Mischief didn't have anyone, only himself to rely on, so he couldn't let unnecessary emotions distract him. It would hurt Thor but it was the only way.

Still, Loki couldn't deny that Thor's caring was touching, and he appreciated it even though he wouldn't admit it out loud.

_Creak._

A small sound came from the floor under his back, and Loki felt like something was pulling him downwards, pressing him harder against the hard floor. At first he tensed a bit, unsure what was happening but then he remembered. He blinked once, a small smile making its way to his face as he understood. That's what he had thought before his death, it was all clear to him now.

He had pondered if his magic could save him, heal the fatal injury that he had taken when helping Thor. He had been unsure but now it seemed that it had worked.

His magic must had now healed him enough that it was safe for him to wake up and return to the real world. The trance had been created by his magic to protect him as the injuries of his body had been cured; and now because there was no need for the trance anymore, it was crumbling away, guiding him to wake up.

He was alive, he was going to be alive. He was going to go back and survive, he would not die in the hands of Thanos nor the Chitauri any time soon. He would find a way to survive.

The floor shook as pieces of it began to crumble down into the abyss beneath it. Loki's returning consciousness was tearing the trance apart and the more the floor crumbled the more Loki became aware of the pain that radiated through the fabric between the reality and the trance. But he wasn't going to stand back. He would return. He had a reason to return.

_''I did it for her.''_

_''I did it for you, Thor.''_

He would never say those words; he would keep them in his mind, but he knew that he really meant them.

Loki closed his eyes as the floor under his back cracked into pieces, collapsing under the weight of reality and leaving the God of Mischief without support.

He was falling.


End file.
